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The musical journey beyond the surface, the message and artistry of Ren's Hi Ren & Sick Boi
Ren's unique approach to storytelling through music is performance art mixed with a rich and complex narrative that will bring you all the fear and hope of a classical greek tragedy.
Music can take us on a journey of feelings from the extremes of love and bliss to fear and danger. It allows us to remove ourselves from the daily tasks of life and set ourselves free as we embark on a journey of sound, movement and imagination. We can be assaulted and wooed with lyrics, rhythm, harmony and other musical characteristics when done right. When we listen with our attention, it keeps us in the present, and our brains are flooded with dopamine - good vibes most of the time.
It’s a rare occasion when music brings me to tears or to experience palpable and visceral feelings. And usually almost always, a memory, event or person is associated with the piece, giving it more depth of meaning. But in January, watching and listening to Hi Ren, there was no personal context for me. The intensity of feeling came solely from experiencing the music, the story told through words and its accompanying video. This isn't just a music video. It is performance art and cinematic photography. And since then, I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell everyone about his work because it’s not easy.
A lot of people have been posting reaction videos, and I do want to offer some commentary but that’s not what this is about. This is about the work, the story, messaging and creative collaboration that doesn’t follow a formulaic pattern. This isn’t just any other song. It's a lot of different things, and there was real shock and awe, real fear even in my experience of listening. This is the 21st century's version of a greek tragedy with Ren as the tragic hero.
And then I found Sick Boi. Sick Boi is a complementary piece to Hi Ren that feels like a one-act play that incorporates other literary devices, like metaphor, repetition, soliloquy1 and allusion, to convey the message and construct a rich and complex narrative.
Both works use musical devices from voice changes, timing and even styles of music all wrapped up into the work. And there are the visuals. Ren collaborates with others to bring his work to life. It's a beautiful thing. But most importantly, there's a message beyond the surface. He understands what it means that thou art that, and what moves Ren's work from exceptional to genius is that Ren doesn't stay in his suffering in the work, he faces it and walks through the fire to the other side. He did it, so he knows you can too and people feel it.
Ren dared to craft a piece that exceeds nine minutes. In the 1960s and '70s, there was more of that. But this is different. Back then, there was more of a stoner vibe with extended musical pieces, and rock operas were a thing. Now, Ren moves from musical genre to genre creating a play and performance art piece. After listening, in my astonishment, I sought out more of his work and immersed myself in his library of music listening and watching his solo work and partnering with his friends too. He uses a different kind of musical storytelling, and he isn't new to storytelling. He does it in the trilogy of stories with Jenny’s Tale, Screech’s Tale and Violet’s Tale.
Hi Ren and Sick Boi
[videos posted down below]
I want to discuss both Hi Ren and Sick Boi here because the stories have an emotional depth to them, and it is deepened even more as he uses his voice to heighten them by changing the musical genre and tempo. He uses musical, literary and visual devices to bring us the work. But before we dig deeper if you haven't heard of Ren, here's the brief.
Who's Ren?
An independent artist, beat poet, rapper, playwright, writer, and musician are some ways we can try to encapsulate Ren, that is Ren Eryn Gill, born in Bangor, Gwynedd, Wales and living in Brighton, England. But, he’s more than these labels. A multi-faceted artist with a staggering talent combining storytelling with his prodigious musical talent, he collaborates with others and produces his own work. He will turn 33 this month and has been making music for many years.
At 17 years old, whilst studying at Bath Spa University he began to experience health issues impacting his studies. In 2010, he signed with Sony, but his illness interfered, and they dropped him. His health deteriorated further and physically and emotionally he was on a downward spiral after he was misdiagnosed and wrongly treated with pharmaceuticals for depression, bipolar disorder, and chronic fatigue syndrome. In constant pain, the misdiagnosis leaving the real cause untreated, his body was compromised and damaged further, keeping him in bed sometimes up to 23 hours a day.
It's all in your head!
Told it was all in his head, with no answers, the stress, anxiety and trauma of this misdiagnosis resulted in brain damage and stress-induced psychosis. It wasn't until seven years later that a Belgian doctor finally correctly diagnosed Ren with Lyme disease, an autoimmune disease when left untreated, results in damage to the brain, organs and joints.
He made music on his own and with friends even in the depths of hell. He had his music and spent all his time when possible writing and producing music. His music is blowing up now and let's just be clear, he isn't some overnight sensation. Through all of this, he has been mastering his craft. Relentlessly making music through the dark night of the soul and his illness.
Like Sisyphus trudging a boulder up the hill, day and night he continued to be an active participant in life. Since his proper diagnosis, things started to get better and in 2016, he underwent a variety of treatments including a stem cell transplant in the United States. Although the boulder was eroded a bit and his health improved, so much damage had already been done that he still requires treatments. At the time of this writing, he is in Canada undergoing more treatments. It turns out Ren's doctor in Canada recently discovered that Ren has developed a condition called Mast Cell Activation Disorder.2
For years now he was busking on the streets when possible and producing his work sometimes with friend Sam Tompkins and later formed a band, the Big Push (Ren, Romain Axisa, Gorran Kendall, Glenn Chambers). After the Big Push decided to disband, at the end of December 2022 and in January 2023 he released — Sick Boi and Hi Ren. He released another single last night too.
There is a lot to unravel in Sick Boi and Hi Ren and Ren gets his messages across in fervent and impassioned performances.
Sick Boi [listen uninterrupted]
Sick Boi is a complex exploration of the connection between emotional pain, trauma and physical illness, as well as broader societal issues related to consumerism, environmental destruction and the music industry. The lyrics are full of nuances and invite the listener to reflect on their own role in perpetuating these issues.
It begins with Ren engaging in dialogue with a therapist. He starts revealing his inner thoughts and feelings to the listener as the story unfolds. The first verse portrays the struggles of someone dealing with physical illness and the frustration that comes from trying to find a cure.
The therapist genuinely believes everything she proposes. In the interlude, she suggests that Ren, the protagonist, may be experiencing the effects of past trauma and encourages him to explore his childhood experiences. She's not mistaken, that is, if she was referring to someone with an accurate diagnosis. Even though he is gaslit and told it’s all in his imagination, he later learns the real physical diagnosis of his illness, Lyme disease.
It all started with a tick bite left untreated that caused an injury to the brain, and the misdiagnosis sets in motion a vicious cycle. Ren's downfall and tragic destruction are brought about by placing his trust in the system and external circumstances exacerbate and heighten his problems. The use of pharmaceuticals and other treatments is presented as a quick fix that ultimately fails to address the root cause of his illness. Regrettably, a very commonplace issue where doctors sometimes misdiagnose physical illness for mental illness. Instead of getting better, he is getting sicker. This, in itself, causes significant trauma.
In this powerful vlog that he shared two years before his stem cell transplant, he shares with us his crisis of faith, ‘watching the world ticking past.’
Studies have shown pharmaceuticals are ineffective when prescribed as a shot-in-the-dark cure. Many develop dependence and still, others trigger physical and emotional illnesses including suicidal ideation. This destructive cycle, which treats symptoms and not the root cause of illness disregards the consequences of short-term thinking and manifests as a broader societal sickness fueled by consumerism creating more trauma, more emotional pain, and more physical illness for the many.
In Sick Boi, Ren's struggle with physical illness and the underlying trauma that may be causing it can be seen as a tragic arc. Caught in a cycle of illness and pain that he cannot escape, he is ultimately complicit through complacency with the system. This cycle is not only something he is ensnared in, but we are too, perpetuating broader societal issues related to consumerism and environmental destruction.
In the end, he comes to terms with and recognises his role in perpetuating the destructive cycle of consumerism and environmental destruction, even if he feels powerless to break free. But he does stand in his power when it comes to the music industry and the pressure to commodify one's art for financial gain. Ren rejects this pressure, suggesting he would rather stay true to himself than become a "rich boy."
The chorus repeats the phrase "sick boy" suggesting that perhaps Ren’s illness is not merely physical but also a reflection of this sick society. So, there is some truth to what the therapist says because Ren has been traumatised by circumstances and the system from which we remain a part, with his body holding memory. And we know too that our state of mind influences the body.
Our bodies change, and our minds change. They change dramatically as we move through this life. The dualistic nature of our 3d world catches us. It can’t be helped. We forget that we are the eternal unchanging awareness or consciousness inhabiting the non-eternal or (changing) mind & body. The seer and seen, both exist simultaneously.3
The distinction between the eternal and the non-eternal is change. The baby is me. The child is me. The adolescent is me. The adult is me. The senior person is me. As Swami Sarvapriyananda explains it, the experiencer knows that “I was in that child’s body. That I was. This I am.”
Because we are limited by our senses, we think we are separate and this creates suffering. This is an illusion that perpetuates suffering and our inner world is reflected in the outer world which is ultimately responsible for the societal issues (the isms) mentioned earlier. By recognizing the illusion of separation and the true nature of reality as non-dual, one can transcend suffering and become free from the cycle of pain and trauma that is depicted in Sick Boi.
Hi Ren [Listen uninterrupted]
Listening and watching Hi Ren is experiential. Even after the initial watching and listening, each time after the experience is barely diminished. Ren explores the unspoken struggle between the conscious mind and the shadow self4, exposing aspects of himself that we rarely speak aloud. Our shadow self frequently stays hidden for fear of rejection and ostracisation. It's self-protection until we acknowledge that repressing this part of ourselves can be highly destructive. Shining a light on the shadow, we can learn to accept and integrate the dark and light. But it isn't a simple process to confront the shadow. He shares his spiritual journey and the dark night of the soul, and it is not for the faint of heart. Watch it, listen to it and feel it.
It takes a lot of courage to acknowledge the shadow, let alone admit it and share its aspects publicly. Most people want to deny that part of themselves since the shadow can seem greedy, conceited, selfish and egotistical. Your culture says, "How dare you be yourself when there are expectations and rules and regulations!" You are expected to have humility and be humble. We are expected to embody these things, even though we have ambition and might want recognition — maybe even fame. Don't say it aloud lest you be judged by others or worse yet, by yourself.
Confronting our shadow and coming to terms with it can lead to the integration of the dark and light aspects of our personality allowing us to fulfil our dharma, to come to terms with what it is to be a human being in a world of illusion and duality. But this isn't obvious, and Ren took up arms against the shadow for a long time.
Ooooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooooh
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooooh
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooooh
The shadow self is like an instrumental track or hum that is always playing in the background but one that Ren can learn to control. Aware of its constant presence, Ren doesn't engage with it as he did before. But, the shadow self wants to be heard.
In the work, the lyrics describe an ongoing dialogue between Ren's conscious mind and his shadow self, represented as a separate entity. The shadow self comes alive as a dark and negative voice that attempts to control Ren's thoughts and actions. More dominant and manipulative, it attempts to undermine Ren's self-confidence, calling him pretentious, belittling him, and even accusing him of stealing other people's material. The shadow and its accusatory voice, formed through conditioning and culture, questions Ren creating doubt and challenging his beliefs.
There are two voices — two characters but only one being — Ren.
The song can even be seen as an extended metaphor for the creative process, which is often characterised by an inner struggle between inspiration and self-doubt. Here Ren conveys the frustration and angst artists often experience as they try to find their own voice and create something original. The song suggests that the artist's subconscious mind plays a crucial role in this process, both as a source of inspiration and an obstacle to overcome. That, too, is both sides, the light and dark.
From a spiritual perspective, the song can be interpreted as an exploration of the human psyche and the struggle between the two — dark and light — of which both exist simultaneously. The lyrics suggest that our thoughts can be both a source of creativity and temptation. They also imply that we are all capable of doing great things and vulnerable to negative influences too. And, they encourage us to be mindful of our thoughts and emotions and to strive for self-awareness and self-mastery.
Overall, the lyrics of "Hi Ren" are a powerful and introspective exploration of the human psyche and the creative process, which can resonate with anyone who has ever struggled to find their own voice or overcome their inner demons.
We are voyeurs watching Ren's ongoing battle as the lights in the background turn on and off as his light and shadow voices fluctuate. He shows us how these two sides can clash and compete for control over a person's actions and decisions even though they will always exist together.
Ultimately, Ren recognises that this battle between the shadow and light is futile, that we are both shadow and light. The shadow is his teacher. He comes to understand that it is a part of him, not something to fight. It is the timeless struggle embedded in the collective consciousness of humanity.
Ren’s story is a journey of the spirit. He shares it with an open heart and purpose. Through his crises, he learnt to stop resisting what is happening in the now. As he accepted what was and stopped resisting, he allowed himself the gift of healing. As he heals, he heals others. His spiritual journey, your spiritual journey isn’t one in space or time. It’s not over there or somewhere else. It’s right here, right now.
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Notes:
Soliloquy is defined as an act of speaking one's thoughts aloud when by oneself or regardless of any listeners, especially by a character in a play, or a part of a play involving a soliloquy.
Mast Cell Activation Disorder, which has affected the myelin sheath in his brain, thyroid, adrenals and bones.
Non-duality (not two) - We are the unchanging experiencer in human bodies. I am not the body (the seen). The body is an object with senses, with limitations. Memories, ideas, philosophies, the mind, thoughts, and my story or narrative are all objects. Your eyes are objects, yet you (the seer) cannot see them. I am an experiencer (the seer) of objects.
The concept of the shadow self, introduced by Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Carl Jung, is often used to describe a person's more primitive aspects of their psyche, such as aggression, egotism, and irrational impulses, amongst others, particularly the parts that they are unaware of or actively repressing. These aspects of the personality are often considered undesirable and may cause internal conflict leading to behaviours that an individual may not fully understand. We hide and ignore them. We pretend they do not exist and can even project them onto someone else.
Book Links Disclosure: Links to books in this article are Amazon affiliate links which means that if you click on one of those links and buy a book, Amazon will pay me a small fee at no cost to you. This helps to support this work.
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This story not only introduces a gifted musician but also provides insight to a journey that anyone could have traveled with faulty medical care and misdiagnosis. Truly an important article.